The Archer’s Plans!
My daughter, Shyla, received her early acceptances from 2 universities this week. Its a great feeling for all of us but at the same time a realization that we are truly entering a new chapter in our lives. Priya and I will have the house to ourselves..with the dog, of course!
We’ve had our share of mother-daughter battles and no doubt there will be more. But right now, I can’t help but stop to reflect. I’ve always enjoyed every sign of independence my daughters have shown through their growing years, some not as much as others but overall a lot of good stuff. Like most of her peers, she drives. Even though I was certain I would not be handing over the car keys easily on a daily basis, it’s been helpful. She often does the groceries with her sister! One chore less for me! When I am stuck in the office, as I was last week, she drove her sick sister to the doctor. In a few months, she will be off to a University in another town! She is approaching 18 and will truly be independent and have lots of room to grow. I have no doubt in my mind that she will be just fine. However, there are areas in our lives I am negotiating with her so as to be sure there are no false expectations between us to spoil her journey. To this end, she is slowly but surely coming up to the challenge. She is actively seeking employment for the summer and planning for the next 4 years. Both in terms of choices for her studies and how she manages her new found independence.
The words of Khalil Gibran from The Prophet have never felt more true for me as now:
“Your children are not your children.”
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable”
Editha Chung says:
I really loved reading this. Yeah, thank you for sharing, I thought I was doing the wrong thing. In my heart I am really scared. I have a 17th year old daughter and a 13 coming up shortly this month. I feel great and of course challenged by teenage attitude but thank you. Your statements are great to guide my way of handling teenagers. They are really fantastic but sometimes I get stuck with real complexities, so much to say, but I guess this will shape who they are…anyhow i am happy to read ur statement. Thanks. It helps my sanity a lot.
July 4th, 2006 at 11:15 pm